tardisity:

The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.

(via zackisontumblr)

assiest:

sex-doesnt-alarm-me:

assiest:

i am 41 cheetos tall 

Why did you think you needed to measure yourself in Cheetos?

we were out of doritos 

(via awh-bree)

breadboxes:

LISTEN HERE U LITTLE SHIT  i love u

(via ilikeeatingcats)

poopflow:

ah yes i have finally found it

the g spot

(via fartgallery)

• Professor: Who plans on getting married within the next 5-10 years?
• Like 3 people: *raises hand*
• Professor: Who plans on never getting married?
• Me: *raises hand*
• Professor: *points me out* why?
• Me: It's illegal.
• Professor: touche.